How do you know when a place has become 'home?' When you go away for school but go to your family's house for the holidays or summer break, you catch yourself referring to both locations as 'back home.' Then, your relatives give you that slightly confused and slightly hurt expression, the one that says "this will always be your home, don't you dare get comfortable in that foreign land you call an apartment."
So, where is your home? I always thought of home as where you grew up, where you have childhood memories, where everyone gathers for holiday and birthday celebrations. That's what I thought until I began referring to Moscow as 'back home.'
Now as I come "home" for my second Christmas since moving away, I find myself rethinking this standpoint. What struck me the most was the smell. Everyone and every household has a smell. It's not necessarily a bad smell (in most cases) but it's distinct nonetheless. You smell it and know where you are, whose house or car you are in. There is no way to describe it than with that person's name. However, we never notice our own smell. We are so accustomed to it that our sense of smell is immune to it. It's always been, constant and subconsciously comforting.
When I came to my parent's house on Monday evening, I noticed a smell. The same smell I grew up with, the smell I never noticed because it was my home, mine. It hit me in each room, like an obnoxious Christmas candle or a heavy hand with the perfume. The only room that didn't slap me in the face was my old bedroom, which is relatively untouched while I'm gone.
A similar thing happened as I walked down the steps and stumbled at the bottom, expecting an painstakingly long staircase like that of 6th street. This reminded me of how each family member always has a distinct way of going up and down the stairs, so distinct that you know who is coming just by the pattern of the steps creaking.
I guess home changes when these types of things change. When you don't smell like your family. When you lose your distinct way of going up and down the steps. When the height of the counter and cupboards feels off. When the familiar and comforting smells are that of your close friends back at your new home.
