Thoughts Provoked by Willow Trees #2

Around this time last year (well, in about a month actually), I ventured out of my apartment alone for the first time. By first time, I mean it was the first time I went somewhere alone to do something I wanted to do without other people. That still sounds confusing, but whatever. I heard about the Arboretum from several people in the few weeks prior and had asked my friends to take me there. However, everyone was usually busy or would forget to tell me when they did find time to go. On the perfect autumn day, I finally decided to just do it by myself. So, I googled the directions, took pictures of them on my non-smart phone, and ventured out through the sketchy fraternity streets. 

To be honest, I’m sure I went with the intentions of being moody and broody. At that time, I was still adjusting to Moscow and felt pretty lonely most days. However, I did not mood nor brood. The beauty and peace I experienced there stirred my heart and soul in way that I am incapable of describing. This led to my first ever blog post, paragraphs of aimless nonsense about feelings and beauty and all kinds of mushy gushy stuff. I’m not saying I hate it, I just mean that it probably sounds like a whole bunch of nothing to other people. Yet when I read back on it, I still completely understand what I was feeling and am ever grateful that I wrote those thoughts down in my journal. I’m also ever grateful that I continued with my blog. I had never done anything like this before and figured I’d get away from it too quickly. Yet I’ve continued to be inspired by beautiful or random things and appreciate the ability to look back on my year through it. 

Since this is turning into an appreciation post, I’ll continue the trend. As I pushed the stroller through the Arboretum this morning, I was flooded with the memory of my first visit there last year. I was flooded with the same awe at God’s creation and how I could ever be so blessed to be where I am right now. I don’t just mean the Arboretum or Idaho, but so much more. I am so thankful for where I am in my life right now. Although I have days where I drag myself down to worry about things I cannot control, I am thankful, nonetheless. How lucky am I to be surrounded by a Christian community? To have support friends who push me to be better, comfort me when I need it, and call me out when I’m stupid. To have a job where I get to spend each morning with a cute little sweetheart that brings me such joy. To watch her grow in confidence and curiosity as she explores the many different parks we adventure to (I think I’ve been to each and every park or park-like place in the area). 

This life is good. God is good. I had some rough years in high school, a bad relationship, depression, a lot of self-harm, and a severe lack of faith in God. I never imagined my life would come to this. I am too quick to forget how good life is because of Him. We actually talked about this at a Ladies Talk recently, about how God never tells us in the Bible to imagine or try to predict the future, because what He has planned is so far beyond what we could possibly think of. I could never have hoped or envisioned what is today. And I must continue to remind myself of that when it comes to thinking or worrying about the future. 

I think this has turned into yet another post of mushy feelings you may not relate to, nor care about. But as we wandered through the trees this morning, I had two main thoughts. 1. My soul is singing with joy at God’s goodness and 2. The trees and many plants here create the most beautiful smell, it’s what every fall candle tries to be but utterly fails to embody. Not how you expected me to end this out, huh? 

Simple Livin'

Simple living. I was going to say tiny living, but that doesn’t quite fit what I’m thinking about. In many cases, people condense their lives down from a typical sized home to a tiny house to live a simpler lifestyle. However, it’s perfectly possible to live simple in a normal home. Tiny houses are an up and coming trend that I’m always excited to learn more about. Sometimes when I feel like going down a good ole YouTube rabbit hole, I’ll watch video after video on tiny houses and van conversions. Anything from tours, day in the life, or sped up footage of the conversion itself. I love the idea of leaving a small ecological footprint. I also like the idea of having low costs of living, virtually no bills, and no debt. Living simple with only the essentials, not wasting money on needless things that make you lazy. Traveling is a big plus too. Sometimes my friends make fun of me and call me a hippy, but I stand firm in my belief that as Christians, we should be aware of our lifestyle choices and how it affects the world God told us to care for. I’m not saying that my using of reusable bottles and shopping bags is going to save the world from all its pollution doom and gloom, but I sure want to do my small part in not contributing to it when possible. I’m by no means perfect, I don’t think I could ever live the “no waste” lifestyle, although I admire the people who can pull that off. Look into it, it blew my mind. 

Anyway, when I first discovered the tiny house movement, I was convinced it was the thing for me. I wanted to live and travel in one around the states after high school. Obviously, I didn’t. Over the last couple of years, I’ve realized that the tiny house lifestyle just doesn’t suit my actual priorities of being a wife and a mother. It’s certainly possible to travel in a tiny house with children (trust me, I’ve watched countless videos on it) but it doesn’t match up with the type of life I’d want for my children either. To commit to a tiny house, you are typically committing to a life of constant traveling. You also face the problem of space once those little kids are not so little. Of course, you can switch back to a bigger home, but then you have to decide if the money going into a tiny house is worth just a few years of use. Beyond that, it doesn’t make sense for me even as a single person. To sustain that type of lifestyle, you need a job that can travel with you. As of right now, I want to continue taking care of children until I have children of my own. Who knows if that’s what I’ll always do, but it’s the plan right now. Anyway, sometimes I daydream about converting my little car into a living space. There is totally enough room for me to comfortably sleep in there. If I end up a lonely old woman, you’ll probably find me traveling around the world in a van, just me and my dog, doing some random occupation I managed to discover. There's also the option of living tiny in one place and having a consistent job. It's usually pretty easy to find a cheap or free place to park. I’m constantly needing to remind myself to put my trust in God, and these are just some of the wishful thoughts I create in my brain to cope with an unpredictable future.