Around this time last year (well, in about a month
actually), I ventured out of my apartment alone for the first time. By first
time, I mean it was the first time I went somewhere alone to do something I
wanted to do without other people. That still sounds confusing, but whatever. I
heard about the Arboretum from several people in the few weeks prior and had
asked my friends to take me there. However, everyone was usually busy or would
forget to tell me when they did find time to go. On the perfect autumn day, I
finally decided to just do it by myself. So, I googled the directions, took
pictures of them on my non-smart phone, and ventured out through the sketchy fraternity
streets.
To be honest, I’m sure I went with the intentions of being moody
and broody. At that time, I was still adjusting to Moscow and felt pretty
lonely most days. However, I did not mood nor brood. The beauty and peace I experienced
there stirred my heart and soul in way that I am incapable of describing. This
led to my first ever blog post, paragraphs of aimless nonsense about feelings
and beauty and all kinds of mushy gushy stuff. I’m not saying I hate it, I just
mean that it probably sounds like a whole bunch of nothing to other people. Yet
when I read back on it, I still completely understand what I was feeling and am
ever grateful that I wrote those thoughts down in my journal. I’m also ever grateful
that I continued with my blog. I had never done anything like this before and
figured I’d get away from it too quickly. Yet I’ve continued to be inspired by
beautiful or random things and appreciate the ability to look back on my year
through it.
Since this is turning into an appreciation post, I’ll
continue the trend. As I pushed the stroller through the Arboretum this
morning, I was flooded with the memory of my first visit there last year. I was
flooded with the same awe at God’s creation and how I could ever be so blessed
to be where I am right now. I don’t just mean the Arboretum or Idaho, but so
much more. I am so thankful for where I am in my life right now. Although I
have days where I drag myself down to worry about things I cannot control, I am
thankful, nonetheless. How lucky am I to be surrounded by a Christian community?
To have support friends who push me to be better, comfort me when I need it,
and call me out when I’m stupid. To have a job where I get to spend each
morning with a cute little sweetheart that brings me such joy. To watch her
grow in confidence and curiosity as she explores the many different parks we
adventure to (I think I’ve been to each and every park or park-like place in
the area).
This life is good. God is good. I had some rough years in high
school, a bad relationship, depression, a lot of self-harm, and a severe lack
of faith in God. I never imagined my life would come to this. I am too quick to
forget how good life is because of Him. We actually talked about this at a Ladies
Talk recently, about how God never tells us in the Bible to imagine or try to
predict the future, because what He has planned is so far beyond what we could possibly
think of. I could never have hoped or envisioned what is today. And I must
continue to remind myself of that when it comes to thinking or worrying about
the future.
I think this has turned into yet another post of mushy
feelings you may not relate to, nor care about. But as we wandered through the
trees this morning, I had two main thoughts. 1. My soul is singing with joy at God’s
goodness and 2. The trees and many plants here create the most beautiful smell,
it’s what every fall candle tries to be but utterly fails to embody. Not how you
expected me to end this out, huh?
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