Stop and be Still

I was ecstatic when Handerson told me I could go on the Junior/Sophomore hike. I had been bugging various people for two weeks to ask someone if I was allowed, as the event was “class exclusive” and people had doubts if they could bring me. I’ve been aching to go hiking since I came back from Christmas break. I think I miss going hiking with my dad, a feeling enhanced by the fact that we didn’t get to go when I was visiting home.

Needless to say, I was extremely disappointed when I found out the hike was canceled due to weather conditions. It didn’t seem too bad outside to me. Sure, it’s cold, sure there was snow, but who cared? Apparently, the majority. But I wanted to go. Seeing the heavy snow falling before church made me even more restless. It’s moments like these when I wish I had a car, so I could just go hike and not have to depend on other people to want to go. 

Luckily, I found out Charli was still down to go. We decided to take a couple hour hike after church and a few other people decided to come along with us. We went home and got changed, then headed out to pick up Leaf, Bobby, and Daniel. I was pleased to find out we were going to bring Jex along as well. 

By and by, our group of six made our way to the Idlers Rest, cruising along back roads with the windows down and music playing. I already felt completely content, I could drive like that for hours. We reached our destination and began the hike. We were immediately trudging through snow at least a foot deep, slipping and falling around. Or at least I was. I like hiking, but I’m by no mean an athletic. I like hiking for pleasure, not for sport. Although this caused me to lag behind (definitely didn’t have anything to do with being out of shape…) I still enjoyed myself. We made it to the top of the hill, pausing to throw snowballs and take pictures of the beautiful view. 

The real excitement began on the way down. The hill was slightly steep, and Bobby convinced everyone to make our way down off the path. This meant walking/stumbling over fallen trees and finding myself on my back multiple times. That’s my favorite kind of hiking though, exploring your way around the trees and bushes. At one point we stopped in a clearing to take pictures standing on a big fallen tree, from which we jumped, and I was engulfed into the cold. It sounds odd, but I loved it. I love slipping and falling into the snow. I love just laying back and seeing the snow-covered trees tower above you. 

Charli had wandered off to get some pictures, and Leaf climbed on top of a tree. While we were waiting for Charli to come back, we fell into a silence. Bobby asked if we could just take 5 minutes to enjoy it, and we did. It began snowing on us as we stood there, looking around and closing our eyes. Feeling the snow fall on your skin and hair, listening to the sound of nothing. The sound of silence turned into a relaxing blend of snow touching the ground, wind rustling the frozen branches, and the stream trickling along. I found myself praying while I turned my face up to the sky and breathed in the refreshing winter air. I think we stood there longer than 5 minutes. I don’t think anyone wanted to interrupt the peace, except Leaf when he decided to open his Velcro phone case. It was somehow perfectly humorous though, and we all laughed about it as we walked along (except Bobby, who was just confused).

It’s easy to let your life get overwhelmingly busy. There is constantly something happening, things that need to be done and things you want to do. Although I like being busy, sometimes it’s good to just stop. Stop and look around you. Stop and take in everything you have, everything God has graciously given to you. It can sound easy, but this is something I often forget to do. I get so caught up in everything going on in my life that I forget to appreciate the simple things. I was reminded of this today when I was in the woods with my friends. In the midst of laughing and playing in the snow, we paused together to take in the Lords creation. I can’t capture the feeling in words. Nothing would do it justice or convey the experience. But it was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

It reminded me of a song by The Head and the Heart called "Let's Be Still" 

"The world's just spinning
A little too fast
If things don't slow down soon
we might not last
So just for the moment, let's be still"

I think this is the best Sabbath I’ve had in a while. I did other things today, including going to a Junior/Sophomore party and spending time with the girls downstairs, but those are entirely separate stories so I will leave this post with this. I am so thankful for being able to spend days like this, I am so thankful for this life I have been given.

The Laundry Room Brawl

It’s a Monday afternoon and I just got home from work. The only thing I've been thinking about all day is going home and taking a nap before spending the night at WSU. But atlas, I come home and find myself cooking and cleaning instead. I decide to throw some laundry in the wash, since I cannot recall the last time I did this (which is how you know it’s time). I walk into the laundry room and find 1 of the 3 washers was out of order, while the other 2 had clothes in them. One of these washers had a laundry basket on the top, so I put the damp laundry into the basket and put my load in. Now, that may sound rude, but this is what people do in our apartment complex. As far as I know, there is only one laundry room per buildings. That’s 3 washers, and 3 dryers for 12+ apartments, that’s 48+ people. Not to mention, at least one of these appliances is always out of order. Anyways, it’s very common to come find your clothes politely moved, no matter how close you keep time on when your cycle should be done. Therefore, I always leave my hamper down there, so people have a place to move my things if they need the machine. 

Anyhow, I headed back down to the laundry room approximately 1 hour later. As I approach the machine, I see that there is a note next to my hamper. It read “My clothes weren’t even done – so your cycle ran for about 5 mins. Thanks! *rolls eyes*” I look in my hamper, nothing. Immediately my mind was racing with where this person could have put my things. I assumed they removed my clothes to continue washing theirs, despite that the machine had been finished when I had first gone down. However, the dryer under their basket was running, and my clothes were still in the washing machine. I could tell by the way my clothes were in the washer that they had never been removed. All the more confused, I realized that this person had not removed my clothes at all or rewashed theirs, they had simply hit the stop button on my machine just to spite me. 

I coughed up another four quarters and restarted my machine, then quickly retreated to my apartment. I felt rather conflicted inside. Part of me felt annoyed that I would have to do an extra hour of laundry and spend more of my quarters. Part of me was anxious because I dislike conflict. And part of me was fuming that someone did this. It was one thing to switch our laundry if they truly believed their clothes hadn’t finished washing, but to turn my machine off just because they were mad at me. They were drying their clothes, so I clearly hadn’t messed with their process. I paused for a moment and sat on my floor, thinking of what I could do, if there was anything I could do. 

My anger quickly diminished as I decided that I cannot be mad at someone based on assumptions, as they did for me. Who is to say that this person was not on a serious time crunch and was fuming that I potentially messed with their things? Maybe they are going through something in their life. Maybe they are having the worst day of their life, and I put the icing on the cake. Whatever it was, I had upset them. I had upset them enough to provoke an actual reaction. I decided to write a note back. Despite my first instincts, it was going to be a nice note. You can’t expect a positive outcome from a negative reaction. Romans 12:9 

“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.”

I wrote a note saying “I’m not sure, but I think you may be mistaken about the time you started your cycle, or maybe the machine messed up like they always do. Either way, the machine was off when I put my stuff in. I’m so sorry if I caused you any inconvenience. I hope you have a great day!” I folded the note and put it into a plastic baggy with a couple dollars worth of quarters. I planned to put this in their laundry basket when I went to put my clothes in the dryer. However, I started getting nervous as the hour went by. What if I went down there and they were in there? What if they were rude about it? I’m not good with confrontation such as this. I decided to see if any of the girls would be home around 4, when my cycle was done. Luckily, they all came home just in time. We agreed that Charli was the best to go with me, as she’d be the most fit to beat someone up in the event of a laundry brawl. 

As we made our way to the steps, we saw two girls standing in the parking lot outside of the laundry room staircase. Upon seeing us, they both turned and headed in the direction of the stairs. We caught up with them and confirmed our suspicions that they were heading to the same place we were. The four of us crammed into the tiny laundry room. One of the girls began taking laundry out of the dryer, confirming that she was the suspect (or victim in her eyes). I decided to just immediately address the elephant in the room, as the door behind me closed, taking with it any chance of escape. I asked if she was the one who left the note, to which she replied with a hesitant yes. I proceeded to explain myself and apologize, then handed her the bag with the note. She said thanks. And that was it. The most disappointing and awkward ending do a story. Charli helped me quickly transfer my clothes to the dryer, while this girl removed her clothes from the other two dryer machines. I have never felt so uncomfortable or eager to get out of a room before. 

I think the biggest thing that stood out to me was that based on observation, I realized this girl had brought her friend with her as back up, just as I had. She seemed just as uncomfortable and nervous as me. For all she knew, I could have been some big bulky man, fuming that someone touched his delicates. She seemed surprised that I was so nice about it. That is exactly the reaction I wanted. I don't know her, nor what is going on in her life or mind. But I do know that I was able to defuse a situation with kindness.

I know that was extremely anticlimactic. But it was the most interesting thing to happen to me today and I find it funny for some reason. I hope you enjoyed this random little story.

Coeur d'Alene

I went to Coeur d'Alene for the first time this past weekend. I wasn't planning on making a post about it, because it was surprisingly uneventful. That sounds bad. It was uneventful in the best way possible. I got there Saturday morning, and spent most of that first day just relaxing and staring out the window for far, far too long. Everyone around me was doing homework, but I couldn't bring myself to do anything besides sit by the windows or stand on the balconies. I wanted to surround myself with that view forever. I wanted to wrap it around me like a blanket. A blanket made of tall trees and reflective water. That sounds absolutely and completely unpleasant, but I'm not one to deny my feelings :P 

Anyways, Sunday felt the same as Saturday. More people came up to hang out and be there for a surprise ice cream party for Hannah and Rachel. Nonetheless, I was still overflowing with a sense of peace so strong it makes you sleepy and excited at the same time. I spent most of the afternoon walking along the shore and skipping rocks. It was absolutely perfect, and absolutely breathtaking. I watched the day turn from a beautifully gloomy morning, full of drizzles and swaying trees, to a hazy blue sky with the beginnings of a purple sunset. The water reflected the rainbow of colors in the sky, and the sun brought back some of the cozy warmth the rain had taken away. 

As with most of my blog posts, I don't have a point to this. This weekend just reminded me of the feelings I had in the Fall when I spent a day laying under a willow tree. There is something so magnificent about standing under trees so tall. They make you feel small and powerless. They remind you of the beauty of God's creation. Staring at these giant trees reminded me of my favorite poem written by my Grandfather.

Giant Red Woods

tower above all,

they make you feel

one foot tall. 

It seems that God

wanted to see

just how tall

He could make

a tree. 

I have never been to the Redwood National Park, but it has been on the top of my bucket list for as long as I can remember, solely because of this poem.

Fear and Trust

I tend to get overwhelmed by the thought of the near and distant future, putting too much reliance on this world and the people in it. Sometimes I worry about my relationships, job, school, and overall place in life. Sometimes I fear that I am behind and will never catch up. Sometimes I worry that I will not reach my goals in life, to have a family and lead a spiritually fulfilling life. Sometimes I forget how young I am. Sometimes - all the time - I forget that God has placed me in this exact point and time for a reason. I forget that I am where I’m supposed to be. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about how much trust I have in God.

Since going home and coming back from Christmas break, I feel like I’ve been tested in this area. My Christmas break was not how I hoped or imagined it would be. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t bad or anything. I loved my time there, it was just a bit overwhelming. I don’t think there is anything worse than feeling like you are surrounded by people you love but cannot help. That’s how I felt. It was like everyone around me, everyone I cared for, had something horrible going on in their life the moment I came home. Seeing my family struggle and being able to do nothing about it tore me apart. All I could offer was love and prayer. I think seeing their hopelessness, the lack of faith in God’s abilities, made me realize my tendencies for that same lack of trust.

I was tested all the more when I came back to Moscow and discovered a horrible mold infestation in my apartment. My first week back I struggled with keeping up with my school work, cleaning out my bedroom, and having panic attacks every day. I had to throw away my book shelf, box spring, tapestry, bed cover, and mattress. I found myself feeling overwhelmingly stressed and anxious about how I was going to get a handle on things. I also found myself having panic attacks about where I was going to live next year, as I had decided I did not want to stay in an apartment so prone to black mold. It got to the point where I was waking up two hours early every day because I felt sink to my stomach with unease. I’d only ever had a panic attack once before moving here, and let me tell you, it’s not fun. It’s not fun, especially when you have at least two a day, for about 10 days in a row. 

After typing this, it kind of sounds a bit unsettled. But I’ve got out of it. By simply reminding myself to give control over to Him, I am reassured in my situation. If there are problems in my life, they are obstacles the Lord has placed before me for a reason. I have to learn to handle them, handle my emotions, and carry on with my responsibilities. I have to take these times as a challenge to maintain my faith and control myself. I am trying to be actively aware of when I am overthinking things and give myself a mental slap in the face.

I feel like this is kind of a depressing post compared to the rest of my blog, but it’s not meant to be. I am not typing this out of stress or sadness. I am relieved to have gone through these challenges and to have come out feeling stronger and more confident in my faith. I’m not really sure what the point of this post was, I just felt like typing my thoughts out.